This generation of "choice" should learn to accept the consequences of their choice

By John Okiyi Kalu on

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How many times have I read or heard young people tell their parents to allow them to choose their marriage partners? Must be thousands of times. Everyone I know emphasizes his/her right to choose.

Yet most people do not understand choice.

When you make a choice in life you are subject to that choice and must live with the consequences. You are also duty bound to understand the ramifications and the applicable rules before you choose.

For instance, you can choose traditional marriage only and forget church wedding. You are validly married. You can choose to go to court and forget traditional and church marriage, you are validly married as long as you are both above 18. You can even choose church, traditional and court, still valid choice, though inexplicable in some ways.

You can even choose to co-habit with a woman without engaging in traditional, church or court marriage. It is still your choice. Just like you can choose not to ever marry in life.

The problem here is that we choose and refuse to be responsible for the choice we made. Whether you like it or not, God stopped choosing marriage partners for anyone after Adam accused him with regards to Eve. Since that time the scriptures never recorded where he chose marriage partner for anyone.

He merely blessed the choice people made but that blessing never guaranteed that there will not be issues in marriage but was sufficient enough to keep the marriage going in the desired direction. Sarah and Abraham had issues. David and his wife had issues, even Joseph had issues with Virgin Mary and expelled her until God told him to go and take her back. Even after Adam accused God with regards to Eve He did not annul their marriage of give Adam another wife.

I have read people say "I cannot stay in abusive marriage so they will kill me". My sister/brother  you made that choice. It is left for you to choose how to make the marriage non abusive. You have no right to flee from your choice. Stay and take corrective measures by first accepting that you are not perfect and might also have been responsible for the abuse. Stop blaming others and casting yourself as being perfect. Unless you deliberately chose an animal as your marriage partner, in which case you must also live with your choice.

If after doing all you can the marriage remains abusive, live with that knowing that you made a wrong choice ab initio. In your next life you won't be "Eze onye agwalam".

More crucially, if you chose church marriage please remember that the church only permits one man one wife. You are free to wed only according to native law and custom and be subject to all the traditional rules that applies. That means that your husband is free to marry as many as he chooses and will not be deemed to have cheated on you or committed any offense. In contrast, you the wife must live with him or divorce him according to native law and custom and remarry.

If you choose to go to church with him please prepare to live with him forever, "for better for worse till death do you part". You swore that oath in church and people clapped. God forbid that your abusive husband kill you, but that means death has parted you and him. Na you swear am and we clapped and shouted "praise the Lord".

If you choose to go to court only, remember that he/she is free to dissolve the marriage anytime and replace you with another woman as per progressive polygamy practiced by oyibo people. Any number of reasons can dissolve a court marriage, including mundane things like non performance or bad performance in bed. Even onu ishi (smelly mouth) can be a valid reason if canvassed well by a lawyer: bottom line is that the courts will dissolve a marriage if those involved don't want to continue in the marriage.

It appears to me that the problem is that we choose without understanding the choice we are making and the ramifications thereof. That is why we choose lightly and rush to blame God and everyone else for avoidable and unavoidable issues we meet in marriage. You cannot make marriage choice the same way you chose to vote for APC by merely shouting "Sai Sai" everywhere. In 4 years you can correct a "Sai" mistake but it takes a life time to correct a marriage mistake if the church is involved.

Marriage choice should be a thoughtful and prayerfully made choice not based on transient things like money, beauty, hips, boobs, legs and face. You must find everlasting values to marry and stay married on.

Yet you are the one choosing and same person that must live with the choice. Marriage is also not a game that is subject to opinion of social media users. It is God's institution operating under God's rule. If you don't want that please marry according to native law and custom. Doesn't matter if a native Doctor joined the two of you, it is a valid marriage.

Finally, people have pointed at Matt 5: 32 that says: "Whosoever shall put away his wife, excepting for the cause of fornication, maketh her to commit adultery" to justify divorce on the basis of adultery.

I am even personally not so sure that adultery compels divorce.

Does the above scripture really mean that fornication is valid reason for divorce?
One thing is certain; God views marital sex that produces new creatures (children) as a sacred activity that can only happen in a marriage and strictly between man and wife. That God. even if seemingly, gave that as the only basis for divorce should tell us that he intends for married people to "do" only their spouse and nobody else.

It might still be important for Biblical theologians to review the intended meaning of "put her away" in the original translations. I suspect our Lord Jesus may have been talking about temporary separation as against divorce. (Waiting to read from theologians)

Yet God knows we might sin against His will and order so he made available forgiveness to help us before we all perish and/or end all our marriages. That is also why we need to examine how Jesus Himself handled a live adultery case in John 8:5-11. The summary of His response is found in verses 7 and 11:

7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

11. She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

It is therefore my well considered view that while adultery might be the only scriptural basis for divorce it is not an automatic basis that must trigger divorce. God's intention is for marriage to be permanent "till death do them part" and that intention overrides the consequences of the sin of adultery. You can forgive a spouse that committed adultery knowing that you are not without sin.

Indeed if you understand what happened in John 8: 5-11 you will not as a pastor rush to approve divorce on the basis of adultery. You will preach forgiveness to the offended couple and do everything possible to keep the marriage.

Furthermore, if you chose to be a pastor (priest) and you are divorced please stop deceiving yourself. You have lost the mantle and the spirit of God has gone far away from you and possibly replaced by evil spirit from God as happened when Saul lost his anointing.

O bughim kwuo eziokwu edere na Bible Asi gbuo JOK.

Those who wish to become pastors (priests) must study diligently and understand what they are getting into. Not all these puyaka puyaka when you can't even understand God's intention and laws regarding marriage. You have not even read the books of Timothy with understanding to know that you are permitted not to marry at all and if you choose to marry you MUST be the husband of ONE woman ONLY. Till death do you part.

Stop misleading gullible people.

For the avoidance of doubt, you also do not need to be a pastor (priest) to preach the gospel. Mark 16:15 is clear enough: He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.". That is the general calling for all believers including common me that is a believer but not a pastor.

While as a common believer I can preach the gospel of Jesus Christ I am not permitted to perform priestly duties or receive tithes and offerings on God's behalf. There is therefore no basis for every Tom Dick and Harry to claim being a pastor while not able to understand what the scripture says about marriage and the choice we make in marriage. Married priests made the choice to marry but are estopped from choosing to divorce just like all those wedded in church.

Significantly, those wedded in courts or native law and customs are not bound by same rules. They are free to divorce or marry many wives respectively. You cannot marry in church and have multiple wives just like you cannot marry in church and divorce.

Live with the choice you made and also learn to choose right and with circumspection.

Now let's talk and learn from each other. I have condemned nobody because I know that we are beasts of circumstances. Our experiences are not same but God's standards do not change because of our experience or circumstance. They remain His standard from everlasting to everlasting. It doesn't matter who we are or what we did or do not do.

I am just the voice from the wilderness...........one of you.


JOK

 

Posted on September, 5 2016

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